Bad Plant Tape

Well, the plant finally died and I cued-up the tape with great anticipation. That's when the error message flashed: "heads need cleaning!" ARGH! Turns out we got NONE of the plant homicide shots on tape. Fortunately, I had a little digital camera set up as well and the stills turned out "OK." Some of them are out of focus because it's just a little crappy point and shoot... but I think they'll do. I need to buy a head cleaning tape and TRY AGAIN. Darn. I'm doing well, though. No panic and no temper tantrum. I think I'm just tired.

A Byline

Documentary Magazine, Winter 2009, p.18. "Rouch's Revolution: The Roots of Reality." This is the first time I've ever been published in a national magazine. It's just a book review, but it feels so fabulous, I cannot believe it. FINALLY!

Botanical homicide

There is a small bell pepper plant slowly dying a death without dignity in my home. It is set up in front of and on top of several sheets of chroma key blue poster paper inside the walk-in closet of my bedroom. I poured a herbicide on the roots yesterday morning, then aimed a desk lamp upon the plant and waited. Every three hours or so I rolled my camcorder and snapped a digital still. The plant lived on. Last night I squirted more herbicide onto the leaves and stems. This morning, the plant lived on. I began shouting obscenities at it every two hours or so... just walking by the closet and screaming, "die, plant, die!" This evening, the leaves began to shrivel. The little white flowers have closed up and are turning brown. I am sad. I feel guilty. But, I roll my tape and snap my stills.

This little plant is sacrificing its life for "art." It will become one of several abstract images my team and I are assembling as a background film for a ballet about Ellis Island. The plant is supposed to symbolize the Irish potato famine. I could not find a potato plant, although I spent most of one whole morning last week on the telephone with agricultural extension agents all over Central Florida. When I told them what I was doing, that I wanted to commit botanical homicide, they snickered and referred me to someone else. After hours of frustrating phone calls and the discovery that NO ONE in Central Florida grows potatoes, I looked up the potato plant on the internet. It looked almost exactly like a bell pepper plant. So, I went to Lowes and bought a bell pepper plant. And now that innocent bell pepper plant is a victim of art.

Also victims of this particular "art:" two antique windows from A&T Antiques on Orange Avenue. We rolled tape as we threw rocks through the glass. Half a bag of flour and an old fan from my garage were destroyed while Ben and I tried to create a "dust storm" in a parking lot on Friday.

About this project, some would say it is "artistically challenging," and that it is "taking me beyond my comfort zone." I choose to say "I have no idea what I'm doing but I desperately hope some of this will work."

post-term let-go

Fall term is over, grades are turned in, and I'm trying to pull my mind out of several instances of melodrama that arose last week. I'm unhappy about the capstone doc screening for a number of reasons, but I need to let go of that the way I let go of my audio cassettes today. It's time for a new TV and that means a new piece of furniture to put it on, and there's no room for an audio cassette deck that we never use anyway. So today we decided we would throw away about 3-dozen audio cassettes that we've collected over the past 20 years. It was a tough decision, looking at our handwriting on most of them, remembering for a few moments where we were when we listened to a particular album... smashing pumpkins, counting crows, home-made compilations, etc. They're out in the trash now and tonight when I go to bed I'm going to try to prevent the anxiety nightmares I've been having by envisioning my melodramas at the bottom of the pile in the trash can... that will be out on the curb in the morning.

Preparing for Thanksgiving

I shot "Dear Mr. Gore" on a crappy old PD 150 and it's finally finished and I am more proud of this thing than any other thing I've done in my whole life, even my dissertation.

Actually, there are a few bits that Tim shot on his news camera, a very heavy SONY-IKE-CANON hybrid that ordinarily would be shooting homicides, brush fires and accidents. Speaking of accidents, the left rear wheel flew off the WESH-TV live truck Tim was driving Friday night. He was doing 60 mph westbound on SR 528, approaching the toll booths at SR 417. The huge, heavy van with the microwave mast on top and thousands of pounds of video production gear inside fishtailed wildly as Tim struggled to keep the thing under control and bring it to a stop. As he sat there shaking, he looked in his rearview mirror to see a man jump out of his semi-tractor trailer with a fire extinguisher to put out the fire on the rear axle. A few minutes later when Tim called me his voice was still shaking. Writing about it makes me feel only slightly less upset. I've been clinging to him all weekend. I don't want to let him out of my sight.

There is so much to say about the films at this point I don't know where to begin. I'm becoming so obsessed with my film work that I am beginning to resent most anything that takes me away from it, with a few exceptions. I'm beginning to feel confident about Dear Mr. Gore and that frightens me. I think throughout my life a defense mechanism against disappointment has been to have very low expectations of my work. This is ridiculous, since mostly I've worked hard and gotten what I'd hoped the work would bring me. But this time... I just don't know. I get nauseated just thinking about it. I'll move on.

This is also the time of the term when I get a little irritable. Students hand in piles of work and a lot of it is obviously done at the last minute and I lose patience. I need to relax. I also am reminded that at times my line of questioning can get interrogatory, even intimidating (I think this comes from my tough journalism background and the way I've been questioned by various nasty bosses over the years). I need to be quiet and listen.

Away from the personal: today we shot some animation for the Dear Mr. Gore open using a really low-tech idea and Evan's artwork. I find Evan's approach to creativity intense, yet refreshing. He carefully considers what the outcome of an action might be, but is also very flexible and willing to experiment. Tim can be stubborn, but Evan remains patient and insistent, and in the end, Tim usually listens to him. They ultimately end-up working well together. I step back and watch.

I anxiously await new music cuts from my composer at NYU and I wish people at the music companies I contacted would respond. I spent $150 for the rights to a photograph this week.

I guess everything is personal with me. There is no way to extract my work from my personal life. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but that's just the way it is. I am very grateful to everyone who is inspiring me right now and I ask for their patience.

Festival Submissions

Yesterday was stressful, but productive. I was working fast to get two films ready to submit to the Florida Film Festival. The first was a 15 minute short: SAM RIVERS: JAZZ MASTER OF THE MOMENT. I'm just producing this one. Stephanie Rice directed and edited it. Ben Jaffe did a polish edit. I kept an eye on the DVD production and then got it over to FFF. I think they're interested and will seriously consider it. They can draw a lot of Sam Rivers fans to the festival if they screen it.

At the same time yesterday, I was polishing a 95% rough cut of DEAR MR. GORE. I submitted early to FFF with a hole for the Mayor Buddy Dyer ride. I also submitted an explanation of what else will change, such as beeping out expletives, audio and color polish, etc. I have no idea what the selection committee will think of this film. They may think it is self-indulgent hogwash. I went to bed last night sweating about it but at least I can say that I had something to say, shot a film about it, and actually completed the film. I guess that's worth something.

Now, it's onto the challenge of editing YOUNG COMPOSERS CHALLENGE, which is definitely a challenge to cut. Synching three different audio tracks is a nightmare, but thank God Tim is patient. More later.

Sam's Potential

I just have to post because I'm so excited by what I'm seeing on Sam Torres' blog. I think for the first time I'm getting an indication that Sam knows exactly what he wants and he has the confidence to express the fact that he knows what to do to get what he wants. That's always an exciting moment for an artist. The moment never lasts... but at least Sam recognizes it and has celebrated it. Also, the videos he posted from his Doc Workshop research are terrific. They confirm he's onto a good documentary subject. Nice work shooting as well. I can't wait to talk to him some more about Matt Butcher.

MOFILM

The film Tim, Ben and I made from Stella Sung's Rockwell Reflections will be submitted to a handheld device film festival in Barcelona in February. We showed draft one to Stella and Chris Wilkins yesterday at the offices of the Orlando Philharmonic Orchestra.

Malaise

I had an incredible workload this past week and I got everything I wanted to do DONE, including grading, etc. So, why do I feel so low today? I have no idea. It could have something to do with finding out yesterday that I'm teaching an "extra" extra class this spring. This fall I was only supposed to teach two, but then it became clear the doc capstone students needed a regularly scheduled meeting time of their own, so I added that and a directed research to my plate. Mind you, I'm not getting teaching credit for either of those added things.

Then, I was supposed to only teach two things this spring, but then yesterday they added another class, plus I'll continue with the capstone meetings and the directed research. It's a load every bit as heavy as I taught when I was an instructor with no research or creative activity requirement.

I'm trying not to complain out loud, but I'm allowed to vent here. I not only wonder now how I can do "quality" work. I wonder how I'm supposed to get any work done at all.

Pressure

I haven't posted in a while for a couple of reasons. First, the usual excuse of having way too many plates spinning at the same time, trying to keep them all going. Second, a hesitancy to share thoughts that accompany emotions. I'll never be able to NOT edit myself. I learned how to do it early, about 8th grade, when I began writing. Learning how to edit video gave me more skill in that department.

I feel like the documentary shoots have generally been going well. The YCC concert September 28th was complex, but I did more difficult things in news. When everyone involved is cooperative and happy to be there it makes complex work much easier. The shoot with Mayor Dyer this morning also went well. His "folks" were nice and he seems like a genuinely compassionate human being, though I could tell he's been snake-bitten by the media and as a result, his interaction with me was guarded.

Dear Mr. Gore is 90% finished so we sent it off to Sundance, what the heck. Sam Rivers just needs a few finishing touches and we'll be submitting that to the Florida Film Fesival. Rockwell draft one is going to be viewed by Stella and Chris tomorrow. We intend to submit to the first International Mobile Film Festival in Barcelona. I just really hope that SOME of my work gets into these festivals or I'm going to be out of a job in 3 years. The pressure is incredible. Sometimes I feel like I can barely hold it together.

I have to say I just adore my students. They truly inspire me. I got great projects from doc workshop, good treatments from capstone and the story class seems very engaged. I'm so lucky. What a great job. Loving it so much is what makes this "festival pressure" so damn unbearable. I think I'd better stop here.

Entertainment Value

I'm kind of uncomfortable with the notion of "entertainment value." That was something the evil consultants talked about when they made their annual visit we all dreaded to the newsroom. However... I am attempting to make sure that my documentary, "Dear Mr. Gore" has some of this. I'm trying to be humorous and quirky. I'm not sure I can pull this off, but you never know unless you try.

From 8am to 3pm Saturday we shot and cut a segment I came up with purely in the attempt to add some "EV." It cut together well. It's short. It's cute. It will be interesting to see how people react.

David Fanning

Thanks so much to Linda Chapin for treating me to a WMFE special event with David Fanning. His speech about documentary on television was very inspiring. It was nice to hear someone speak who still has faith that television can deliver excellent, important journalism. He believes Public Television is at a crossroads where it can provide the kinds of journalistic and thought-provoking programs that commercial networks cannot or will not provide.

Driving home, I had the idea that the next president should appoint an independent "Media Czar" to whip our corporate media into shape, since the FCC doesn't seem to be able to do that. This person would operate out of NYC and LA instead of Washington and would refuse to grant any appointments with special interest groups. CEOs would be told that in order to uphold the media's obligation to serve the public, profits of more than 10% would be deemed illegal. Would this hold up before the U.S. Supreme Court? Doubtful, but wouldn't it be fun to watch people like Murdoch squirm. I think the first Czar appointed should be Ted Turner.

A good week

I made an extra effort to get good rest and be organized this week. It paid off. I hope I can keep it up. I felt like my classes went well Mon-Tues. I was thrilled to host the Capstone Documentary students in my new lab/office Wednesday morning. I like all of their topics, and as I would expect, they are very ambitious at this stage. The MFA students are fantastic. We are very lucky to have such interested, engaged and energetic guys starting their journey toward features here.

Last week I was worrying about not having time to work on my films now that school has started. I'm happy to report that this week I did get a good amount of work done. I've worked on the YCC budget and called a couple of the families to confirm their presence at the concert. I've got the stage setup worked out with the orchestra folks. Yesterday morning and this morning I got a decent amount of editing done on Dear Mr. Gore and Wally's Movie. Next week I want to start cutting the open to YCC. I really need a better title for this film.

I have a few papers to grade before Monday but it's not bad. I should have time to do some fun things this weekend. I'm dying to get outside... I've got cabin fever.

For next week: looking forward to the Q&A Wednesday night after I screen Who's Next at the Global Peace Film Festival.

New McElwee Book

Since I wrote the review last week of the first book dedicated to Ross McElwee's works, I've been thinking a lot about the Southern film maker. The book contains segments of interviews McElwee has done over the years and an article he wrote for a Paris film maker magazine. He continually talks about the difficulty of WRITING his narrative tracks. It's a slow and laborious process for him. Anyway, the book is definitely worth reading and it's about time somebody wrote a book about McElwee. He invented the personal film genre. The book is called Landscapes of the Self: The Cinema of Ross McElwee.

How long should it take to finish a feature doc?

I've been worrying a lot lately about when I'll finish any of these three films. A colleague reassured me this week by insisting that postproduction on any feature takes at least a year. That made me feel better, but only a little. Since school began I haven't sat down to do any editing but I have been busy doing little tasks that needed to get done, like having documents scanned, certain tapes dubbed, planning for the YCC concert and reconnecting with those teenagers. Coming out of a deadline-driven journalistic background I think I'll always feel rushed. I could go to the computer and actually finish the bicycle documentary in a couple of days with what I have, but it wouldn't be what I envision it to be. I just have to be more patient.

Cannot Sleep

I woke up at 1:30am and could not get back to sleep because I'm so worried about not having time to work on my films now that school has started. The second week of school isn't even over yet and already I'm feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. I'm losing control of my days due to appointments, meetings, commitments, etc. I also feel like I'm back to carrying far too much heavy stuff around all day. My neck and shoulders really feel it when I lie down at night. I'm not eating properly, I'm not getting enough sleep at night, and I'm not getting enough exercise to ward off the stress. How can I get things back under control?

I'm shooting with Wally in the morning. I need to get pickups of him with his DVD. He also wants to talk to me about what he's discovered about "mining the moon." I feel like he wants me to continue shooting this film, but I feel like I have enough already. How do I disconnect from the main character in my film without alienating him? I don't want to hurt his feelings and I want to stay in touch but I cannot continue shooting indefinitely. I hope Erika gets the photo montage done soon. I need something to get me motivated to get back to the edit on this film.

Labor Day

Focusing on what I did accomplish each day is difficult because instead, around 5pm, I tend to worry about what I did not get done. However, if I try to make a list of things I accomplished each day at the end of the day (without padding) I may be able to relax more at night and get the rest I need. So, here's my first list:
1). Wrote first draft of my first book review for Documentary Magazine
2). Authored DVD for a band that will work with me on the score of Dear Mr. Gore
3). Organized my classwork for the week into piles
4). Made a list of things to do tomorrow
5). Completed an equipment checkout list for tomorrow
6). Put my camera batteries on charge for tomorrow
7). Got caught up on emails

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot:
8). Started my blog